Boys Should Be Boys

I want to talk about a phenomenon I find somewhat humorous without hurting anyone’s feelings. If you’ve done this thing with me, please don’t be embarrassed or think that I’m picking on you – I’m honestly not putting anyone down, but just bringing up an odd, behind-the-scenes reality that I think everyone will find at least interesting if not amusing.

So, a couple times a week, I’ll get an e-mail or a comment on one of my stories telling me how much the reader enjoyed it, then comes the funny part. I’ll get something like: “I REALLY ‘enjoyed’ it, if you know what I mean,” or “There was a big mess for me to clean up. Sorry for being so crass.” Also, variations such as: “I hope I don’t offend you by telling you about what your stories do for me, (and what I do to myself while I read them).” Very endearing, and I genuinely appreciate it whenever someone takes the time and effort to send me any kind of feedback, but I can’t help but be delightfully bemused by these sorts of apologetic admissions and tentative attempts to avoid offending me.

The main reason this gives me a giggle is that I write my stories for the express purpose of inducing people to masturbate with the heartfelt goal of inspiring a full-blown orgasm in all its glory! Explicitly telling me what you did to yourself while reading one of my stories, and the results thereof, is a HUGE compliment to me! The other thing that blows me away is that after reading one of my stories, full of perversion, filth, and the dirtiest words I can think of, that anyone would be the least bit concerned that I could possibly be offended by being told they masturbated and came to my writing! I’m a porn writer, for goodness sake! Jacking off, finger fucking, cum, and orgasms are my stock and trade! I probably masturbate more writing my stories than anyone does while reading them, so how can I be offended by anything at all, much less someone doing to themselves the exact same thing that I’m doing to myself?

My theory is that men have been so beaten down by feminist rhetoric that they reflexively feel any expression of their natural sexuality will be met with hostility if revealed to a woman (even a closet deviant like me). Before I get myself into trouble, I will declare (redundant though it may seem) that I believe in equal opportunity for all women and that there are many problems between men and women that need to be improved (and eventually resolved) when it comes to sexism and gender bias. However, I don’t believe that the way for us to raise our status as females is to tear men down – and I’m afraid that’s part of what’s happening. Men get punished for thinking and acting like men. In some areas this might be a good thing, but it seems to me that we’ve very much making the mistake of throwing out the masculine with the bath water.

As I say in one of my story site profiles (Lush, I think), “I don’t mind crude, but I don’t like rude.” It appears to be a fine line, but to me it’s simple. Be as filthy, and direct, and honest, and perverted as you like with me, just don’t be demanding, condescending, or arrogantly presumptuous. That’s rude, and no one likes that. I’ve had men contact me who have displayed each of those noxious qualities, and their messages go straight to the trash bin (as do the messages that are nothing more than “Hey there,” “What’s up,” “How are you,” or the like. If you don’t have anything more than that to offer, why are you bothering me?). Maybe I’m wrong, but I half expect these kind of inane overtures come from the same place – a man’s fear of saying anything offensive drives him to reach out in as innocuous way as he can in order to increase the chances of making a connection with a woman without “offending” her by revealing what he really wants. I suppose I can’t blame them.

So, many guys are reticent to come right out and tell me: “While I was reading your story I beat my swollen cock like a deranged fiend until my balls spasmed and I spewed a fountain of hot jizz all over myself. If I didn’t have my daughter’s panties stuffed in my mouth at the time, some of my own spunk would have shot straight into my mouth!” I find the kind of wary modesty I encounter funny given who I am and what I do, but I guess it’s also a little sad that men feel they have to self-censor even when dealing with a clearly depraved woman. I suppose I could chalk it up to them wanting to be gentlemen until they get to know me better, but I’m not so sure about that.

Yes, it’s odd to me, but (as I mentioned) I also find it endearing when someone is doing his best to avoid abusing my delicate sensibilities with nasty talk of penises, masturbation, and gooey ejaculate. After all, I am a mother, a wife, and a respected member of my community! One must assume that I don’t hold truck with strange men who would brazenly refer to their tallywakers and willymilk in the presence of a lady!

On a related note, I’ve noticed several women on Twitter vehemently complaining about unsolicited dick pics. Now, I can accept that there are women out there who don’t appreciate such things, but I can’t really fathom why anyone would get so incensed over it. If you don’t already know, I enjoy dick pics (solicited or not). NEVER have I been upset about seeing a cock, even when it’s one I haven’t asked for (although, if I saw one in the exam room while I was getting a pap smear, that might concern me a little). I’ve never been flashed before, but if the conditions were safe, I think I’d rather enjoy it! So, why all the rage over a generous man sending you a harmless photo of their junk? I take it as a gift, and I’m always humbly grateful that some man was willing to take a risk share his privates with me. I also know that men like for women to see their cock, and I would never want to be the one to deny them that joy.

The only thing that puts me off a little is when the lovely gift comes with an obligation. “Here’s an unsolicited picture of my dick, now you owe me a picture of your tits, pussy, ass, feet, armpit, bowel movement (yes, I’ve gotten that one), or all of the above.” The other common obligation attached to an otherwise welcomed gift is, “Tell me what you think of my cock.” I understand the desire to have your penis praised (or, in some cases, belittled), but it puts me in a bit of a spot. I’d rather just enjoy your dick for what it is rather than be given the added assignment of having to provide a review.

Okay, I’m wandering off topic. So, bottom line: Always feel free to be open, honest, and explicit with me. When it comes to that, I’m all but un-offendable. Secondly, all those snotty bitches out there need to stop complaining about dick pics, and be thankful anyone is willing to share their naughty bits with them (even if they’re a lesbian – it won’t kill you to look at a nice cock once in a while!).

Hmmm…now that I think of it, I’ve never heard a man complain about unsolicited pussy pics. Perhaps we will never resolve this sexism stuff as long as men and women are so different. And maybe that’s not the worst thing in the world when you come right down to it…

Family Friendly

My husband rented the movie Dave and Mike Need Wedding Dates this past weekend. Not what I would have picked, but he’s watched enough of my sappy selections without complaining that there wasn’t much I could do about it. It was pretty much about as dumb as I expected, but there were a few glimmers of twisted goodness that made it not a complete waste of time.

First, there was Aubrey Plaza. She’s got an oddball kind of hotness that appeals to me. The fact that I’ve seen her pretend to masturbate in The To Do List and really masturbating in her Fappening video, moves her to the top of my hotties list. We supposedly see her butt at the end of the movie, but I’m 99.9% sure it’s a body double (still, it a convincingly nice butt). But what really got me was the mild incest stuff.

In one scene Dave and Mike’s younger sister is tripping on Ecstasy, along with other unknown substances, and she ends up totally naked. When one of her brothers (don’t remember which) finds her, there’s what’s supposed to be the awkward situation of him seeing his baby sister nude and horny. Good wholesome family fun!

In another spot, one of the brothers walks in on their lesbian cousin getting finger blasted by Aubrey. One: lesbian finger fucking scene = hotness! Two: Ensuing fight involving female cousin’s naked boobage being mashed into male cousin’s face = super hot!

My favorite scene, however, was when the brother barges into his little sister’s massage room and catches her receiving a bizarre happy ending. Instead of closing the door immediately, for comedic effect he has to stay and witness his sis having a screaming orgasm. Nice!

All of these scenes were simply gags played for the shock value of combining sex and family, but there were no ongoing incestuous relationships (as in Blades of Glory). I’ve often wondered lately in the wake of the recent acceptance of homosexuality, and the even quicker embrace of transgenderism (yeah, I’m almost certain that’s got to be a very un-PC way to phrase it), if consensual incest will be the next great sexual taboo to fall.

I assumed if this were ever to happen that it would be a long way off. Now I’m not so sure. With incest-related porn search terms topping lists around the country, along with incest erotica being the most popular category at most adult story sites, there’s obviously a broad appetite for it despite what people say in public. Add this to incest appearing more and more in mainstream media (I’m looking at you Cersei), and it sure seems like we’re on the path toward normalization.

Of course, it’s also entirely likely that the riots and civil war that today’s election will spark may set us back several decades on this and all other social advances that we’ve seen recently!

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On a less titillating note, my hubby sprang a surprise “vacation” on me. No, it’s not the fun kind where just the two of us wing our way down to some tropical island and fuck like rabid teenagers for days on end, but rather a road trip into the icy north to visit family and visit various cold places along the way.

We’ll be leaving Wednesday and coming back Sunday (assuming society hasn’t collapsed and we’re better off joining a prepper community deep in the wilds of Maine). This means that things will be quieter than usual on the blog for those days. When I get back, I’m going to start in on Open Door 28 and try to get as many of the various contributions I have piling up posted for your enjoyment.

Be back soon!

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Touchy Subject

I often get asked for advice on matters of family sex. One question I get a lot is, “I think my mom is sexy, how can I seduce her?” The short answer is: I have no fucking clue! All my incest experiences are fantasy, so I can only guess at what one should do in a real world situation. When I do respond to these types of requests, it’s usually a message reminding the reader that real life rarely plays out as easily as it does in porn, and that there are real risks with real consequences to making a sexual advance on a family member. It’s probably best to reconsider, and if the decision is to move ahead, do it with extreme caution.

I know, not very sexy, but unless told otherwise I have to assume the person looking for advice is sincere, so I don’t want to encourage them with fantasy porn advice that will potentially ruin their relationship with their family or worse.

With all that in mind, I received a request for advice the other day that deserves some consideration that I believe we, as a body of responsible pervs, can weigh in on and provide some useful insights about.

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Dear Rachael,

I had an experience this past weekend that I would like to relate to you, and possibly to your readers, to get some feedback.

It was an unseasonable warm day when I visited my nephew and his family who I hadn’t seen in about 5 years. His wife is a runner and biker and I have always found her very sexy with beautiful legs, a tight ass, and small perky tits. They have 3 kids, the oldest a 16-year-old boy and the youngest an 8-year-old girl. They are an extremely – I repeat extremely! – religious family. Having been raised Catholic myself, I can only surmise the dilemma of the 16-year-old boy who undoubtedly has been taught that jacking off or merely thinking about naked girls much less seeing them is a sin.

I noticed him watching his mother every time she walked by in her yoga pants and t-shirt. He seemed to fixate on her ass. It was subtle, but he was obviously interested. I then noticed when his little sister insisted on showing us her ballet and tap recital in her little outfits that he had developed quite a bulge in his soccer pants.

He is a great kid, and I really wanted to take him aside and let him know it was natural for someone his age to be sexually excited by seeing his mom and sister. I wanted to assure him that it was alright to jack off to them. But, of course, I didn’t. I know he must be totally confused about what he’s feeling, and, knowing his environment, he has no one to confide in. If you had been in my shoes would you or your readers have said anything? I would appreciate anyone’s comments. It’s never too late to speak up. Thanks

– Grandpa4fun

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Grab Them by the Pussy

I’ve done my best as DMM to stay away from politics, but Trump’s recent “scandal” has brought things into my wheelhouse. Just so you know, I really don’t care who wins. I live in Massachusetts, which means my Electoral College votes will be going to Secretary Clinton regardless of how I vote (we need a system that wasn’t designed for 18th century America!), so the course of the presidential campaign is nothing more than an amusing aside for me. More important is the Mass ballot question legalizing marijuana! As far as the race for president goes, if Clinton wins, congress will block anything she wants to do and we’ll drift along with business as usual; if Trump wins, congress will block anything he wants to do and with any luck he’ll break the government to a degree that we’ll finally have to seriously consider fixing it. Basically, as I see it, we’ve got a big fat lose-lose situation on our hands. Sigh…

Regardless of all that, we’re currently being inundated by some lewd comments The Donald made a decade ago. As a woman, I’m not the least bit bothered by anything he said. Maybe I’ve been inured to such things by my secret life as a smut peddler, but I suspect if this cropped up 4 years ago (before I got so involved in porn) I would have just shrugged and chalked it up to boys being boys. Given that, what is really bothering about this scandal is the overblown media reaction to it.

Never have I seen so much appalled pearl-clutching over something so innocuously juvenile. Of course, much of this shocked approbation is motivated by political expediency and/or a drive for ratings. If I had only seen the reaction, I would have assumed a video surfaced of Trump raping a gay puppy while Ivanka pissed in his mouth and Melania butt-fucked him with a rolled up copy of the Constitution. From where I’m sitting, Donald was talking about trying to score with a married woman and saying that when you’re famous women will pretty much let you do whatever you want – such as walking up and grabbing them by the pussy. Nothing there that I find the least bit shocking or untrue.

Paul Ryan was “sickened” by the comments. Jeb Bush found them “reprehensible.” Hillary Clinton declared what he said as “horrific.” Seriously? Lewd, vulgar, crude – sure, but horrific? Puh-lease. I’m even more disturbed by the media equating his words to sexual assault. This does nothing but devalue the atrocious nature of actual sexual assault and trivializes its victims. “Locker room” talk feels like an apt description of what I heard. Put a hot mic on any two guys and within an hour and I suspect you’ll hear something just as bad or worse. Imagine if ten years ago you recorded some casual private banter between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. What a wild dick measuring exchange that would be!

It’s not just that these reactions are ridiculously inflated, but on a personal level it makes me keenly aware of what kind of criticism I would face if my secret identity were ever discovered by friends and family. It’s easy to forget how squeamish people are about sex while inside this perverted bubble we’ve created for ourselves. If the world is so horrified by Trump’s candid comments, we’d all be burned at the stake if folks heard the kinds of things we talk about. Instead of scaring me away from all this, it instead makes me all the more grateful for this sickening, reprehensible, horrific refuge we share with one another.

The main lesson here, however, is that I’ll never be able to run for president! Thank God!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

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I’m a Dirty Bird

I love being vulgar!

One of the biggest thrills of writing porn for me is that it allows me to use the dirtiest words I know in the nastiest ways I can imagine. This is something I definitely don’t get to do in my real life. It’s an incredible outlet for my pent up urges, and no matter how much I do it, it still gets me off.

The reason I bring this up is that a reader recently emailed me and mentioned that my vulgarity was one of the things he appreciated about my writing. I took that as a huge compliment. Sure, it’s easy to use naughty words for mere shock value, but to be able to use them to turn people on and inspire them to cum is what drives me whenever I drop my panties and sit down in front of the keyboard.

The flip side of this is that I often get “accused” of being a man because “I don’t write like a woman.” This really pisses me off. Not because someone doubts that I’m a woman, but that they assume a woman can only write in a “womanly” style. Fuck that noise!

I was reading an “erotic” romance the other day and couldn’t get past the first couple chapters. “His fingers gently glided along my cleft to my womanly center.” I might have bought into this flowery crapola ten years ago, but now it just turns my stomach. “His fingers slid over my stiff clit, down between my swollen pussy lips, and plunged into my eager fuck hole.” Now that’s more like it! That’s something I can rub my cunt to!

When it comes to porn, I believe you have to write what turns you on in order to turn anyone else on. Nothing is better than when I lose myself in my writing and time flies by without me being aware of it. It’s magical. That being said, I’m also very aware that I’m writing for others. I suspect at least 90% of my readers are men, and I also take this into consideration. If I knew I was writing primarily for a female audience, I would most like take a slightly different approach. I certainly want to get men and women off alike, but I tend to shade my choices toward what I think would please that guy hunched over his computer with one hand on the mouse and his other hand gripping his throbbing cock.

So, for someone to assume that a woman can’t make these kinds of considered choices when she writes, and that only a man can write in a deliberately vulgar style, is just flat out ignorant. I know I shouldn’t pay attention to these clueless goofballs, but it still bothers me because it means that there are people out there who continue to discount a woman’s intellectual capacity despite all the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

I may be a plain-Jane mom and unambitious housewife, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be just as crude and vulgar as the next guy!

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