Tweeting Off


This is probably going to come off like a “humble brag,” but I wanted to take a minute to talk about my Twitter. I was dubious when I first made an account there for many reasons. Firstly, I felt like I was too old to be Tweeting, but it turns out the kids are doing their Snapchats and whatever the newest thing is and have left Twitter to the lame old “adults.” I also wasn’t sure I’d have anything worth Tweeting about. I still kind of think that, but it doesn’t really stop me. When I started, I expected to max out at about 20 or 30 followers. Would it really be worth the effort (albeit a small one) to come up with stuff to Tweet about for an audience that small? Then, I had assumed once I’d disappointing the few followers I had, I’d level off at about a dozen followers. Not for the first (or last) time…I was wrong.

To prove it, I hit the 15,000 follower mark this morning and I’m totally bemused and bewildered! I certainly don’t feel like I deserve so many followers, but I can’t really argue with the numbers. I guess I should start by thanking the folks here who have followed me at Twitter – I don’t want to label you as “stalkers,” but I am flattered by the expansive obsessiveness of your interest in me. I guess the most important thing is that many people discovered my blog after finding me on Twitter. Since one of the things that drives me is to attract as many readers to my dirty stories as I can (and thus increase the number of potential orgasms I might manage to wheedle out of various cocks and pussies) this is a good thing. I also like having a place to blurt out some of the random, weird, or nasty thoughts that cross my dirty mind as I go about my day. It would be a dirty shame is my perverted wisdom was wasted on me alone!

If I had known how much porn there was on Twitter, I probably would have signed up long before I actually did. One of my favorite parts of my daily routine is scrolling through all the naked ladies and erect guys that show up in my feed and get my juices flowing. Such a great source of carnal motivation. I have many good friends in real life, but I don’t have the kind of relationship with any of them that allows me to feel comfortable sharing any details of my sex life. But, I love that I can tell my Twitter friends about how I got fucked in the ass the night before, ate a big load of hubby’s cum during half-time, masturbated to forbidden thoughts about my young nephew, or simply had a pleasant evening of boring dick-in-twat married sex with my dear hubby. It’s very gratifying to have a safe place to openly share what I’m doing with my cunt and know that thousands of people are privy to what I would otherwise never whisper to another soul who knows me as the sweet, innocent mother and housewife that I present myself to world as.

I wonder how much porn is in Donald’s Twitter feed. Or, how many dick pics he receives each day. Maybe it’s also worth considering the possibility that the president has jacked off to my stories. Or at least had his Slovenian sex slave give him a tug job as Ivanka reads one of my stories to him at bedtime.

What a freaky modern world we’ve created for ourselves. I can’t wait to see what perversion enabling technologies we come up with next! I know it’s probably a long way off, but I’d love for body-morphing to be a thing. I so want to spend a week (or more) as a man with my very own cock. I’ve got a bad case of penis envy and would intensely enjoy experiencing what it feels like to really jerk off, penetrate someone with my very own flesh-and-blood cock, and ejaculate a big, gooey wad of cum all over someone’s face! I’d also want to try out big boobs. Nothing comically huge, but enough to draw lustful leers from the men, and scowls of jealous contempt from the women. It would be interesting to see if or how I might be treated if I were sporting a big, bouncy pair of barely contained bodacious ta-tas.

What high-tech perversion enabling innovation would you most like to see in your lifetime? Holographic porn? Sex robots? Full-spectrum STD eradication? Celebrity clones as sex slaves? Self-driving cars that allow you to masturbate on the highway with both hands as you commute? Or, how about zero-g sex in orbit? Or would trying to calculate all the equal and opposite reactions just cause you a boner-wilting headache? Or, maybe just a simple brain implant that would allow us to press a button for an instant orgasm whenever the mood strikes us? Hmm, tempting, but I really like playing with myself and working hard to earn my orgasms.

Wait…I thought this post was about Twitter…ah, well…as long as we’re having fun…

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