Say What?

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Slippery Tip #6: Use Dialogue Effectively

Dialogue is when the people in your story talk. It’s one of the most dynamic and engaging ways to tell your story, but it’s often underused in porn. Dialogue can be very effective for revealing character, for filling in background, for moving the plotforward, and for rescuing your story from being a series of big blocks of dense text on the page. It’s a very handy storytelling tool. The difficult part is making it sound natural.

Accomplishing this is more of an art than a science. Paradoxically, the quickest way to make your characters sound NOT normal is to try to mimic the way people actually talk. Real people are all over the place and if you wrote down what they said word for word they would sound like blithering idiots. Story dialogue is a stylized version of speech that rarely exists in the real world, but feels like it does.

One of the most common problems I see is failing to use contractions. We almost always use I’ll, you’re, and they’d rather than I will, you are, and they would. There are certain idiomatic phrases where it sounds awkward to use contractions, but otherwise it comes across as formal and stilted. This is why robots and alien often don’t use contractions – it makes them sound weirdly different when they talk.

It’s sometimes good to give certain characters verbal “tags,” but be careful not to overdo them. Don’t have Judy start every line with “So” or “Well.” Use these sparingly and readers will pick up on it. Same goes for accents. Don’t try to faithfully represent a character’s accent phonetically (“I pahked my cah in Havahd Yahd”). This is difficult to read and gets annoying. Again, just a few little hints of an accent here and there will do the trick nicely.

Keep in mind that dialogue is usually a rapid back and forth exchange. People rarely make long speeches when they’re having a conversation with someone. Even if they do, it’s usually a good idea for the other character to inject a comment just to break things up. Each line should move things forward. If you can remove the line and it doesn’t “break” the forward momentum of the scene, then you probably don’t need it. This is often the case with “chit chat.” Yes, it may be realistic, but for the purposes of a story it must be distilled down to its minimal essence.

Another important aspect of dialogue to consider is the idea of subtext. People are often indirect about what they say: there are the words, and then there’s what’s behind the words. “Sorry I’m late, honey,” Jack said. Jill forced a smile. “Not to worry, dear. As a matter of fact, the other wives have become quite jealous of all the free time your late nights at work give me.” Here we see that instead of being angry and lashing out, Jill is saying the opposite of what she feels in a sweet, passive aggressive way, and she is planting seeds of doubt in her husband’s mind. What’s she doing with all that “free” time? Meeting strangers online for role play fantasies? Sucking the neighbor’s cock? Interracial, latex fetish, bukakke gang bangs? The best dialogue forces the reader to pay attention in order to interpret what’s really being said.

Beyond the challenge of creating compelling dialogue, there is also the grammatical mechanics of how to present it on the page. There are just a few simple rules, but it’s probably the area that most new writers have the most difficulty with. I’ll cover some of the biggest technical aspects of dialogue in my next installment.

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Dream Cum True

I received an email last week asking if I’d ever written about one of my threesome fantasies with my brother and father. I haven’t (as far as I can recall), and so I decided to correct this lapse and share one of the versions of the incestuous three-way scenario I’ve gotten myself off to ever since I was a horny girl of seventeen.

~ ~ ~

I have the house to myself – which obviously means I’m naked. I’m in my brother’s room lying on his unmade bed. I love the way it smells in here. Masculine scents of dirty clothes, stale Right Guard, and musky sports gear. There are none of the flowery perfumes that permeate my frilly bedroom. I’m in a completely different world.

As horny as I’m feeling, I do my best to keep my fingers away from my bare pussy. Instead, I absently roll one of Nick’s old baseballs across my tummy, down over the small hump of my pubic mound, then up between my less-than-fully-developed breasts. I can feel the frayed red stitches as they pass over my puffy nipples. I let go and watch the ball balance for a moment, then slowly roll down and settle over the tiny hollow of my belly button. My pussy clenches tight when I wonder if I could fit the whole thing inside me. A golf ball or two would be easy, but a baseball…? Not so much.

My daydreaming keeps me distracted enough so that when Nick appears at the door, I scream. The ball thuds to the floor and bounces a few times. There I am, completely exposed, my brother looking at my naked body, my legs open, my pussy on display, my cheeks turning red. Nick smiles. God, what are the chances that the cutest guy I know also just happens to be my own brother.

“Hey, Rachael.” He tosses his stick, helmet, and roller blades onto a pile of junk in the corner. “You waiting for something?”

“I’ll give you one guess.” I spread my outer lips to show him how wet my inner pinkness is.

“Um, let’s see…” Nick pulls his sweaty t-shirt off over his head and I can smell his body from where I’m lying. “You need help with your homework?”

“I need help with your cock.”

My brother drops his shorts and underwear both at once. He has already started to get hard. I can’t take my eyes off of his growing cock. I’d seen it for the first time just over two months ago, but it still fascinates me like nothing else in the world. By the time he reaches the bed, his erection is at full strength and pulsing like it’s trying to get even harder.

“What kind of help?” He crawls onto the bed, pausing to lightly bite the pale flesh of my inner thigh.

“Gross!” I protest and wrinkle my nose. “Aren’t you going to take a shower first?”

“What’s the point? You’re going to be just as sweaty and stanky as me in a few minutes anyway.”

He was right, of course, but I had to at least pretend like I’m not turned on by absolutely everything about him. “Disgusting pig,” is the best insult I can manage as his lips touch mine and his body settles on top of me. God, there’s nothing so erotic as naked skin against naked skin. I shiver with delight as we fit ourselves together. I’m trapped under his weight. He can do whatever he wants with me and I’ll be helpless to stop him. Not that I would, but the feeling of being completely under his control is beyond exhilarating. With anyone else it would be fear, but with my brother it was unconditional trust. I was his, he knew it, and he would never do anything to hurt me.

“Does that mean you don’t want my hog?”

“You always know just what to say to ruin the mood.” I manage to sound derisive, but I’m unable to keep from laughing at his lame wordplay.

“I could go watch TV instead,” he threatens, catching one of my soft nipples between his teeth.

My breath catches in my chest in anticipation of the pain he could cause if he wanted. Nick holds me at the edge for only a few moments before soothing my tender nub with his tongue. Goosebumps everywhere. God, he’s good.

“No,” I pout. “Stay here and fuck me.” My hands roam over his muscled back. “Please.”

“Alright. Just a quick one though.” The tip of his cock touches my swollen girl parts and makes me squirm. “I’m not going to waste another whole night banging my horny little sister.”

I’d lost count of the number of nights we’d “wasted” with each other since my big brother took my virginity. Actually, he didn’t take it – I gave it to him. He would probably say that I practically threw it at him. I knew he’d been with a couple other girls already, but I didn’t care. All that matters now is that we are lovers. Although, I’m sure he doesn’t think of us that way. I’m just a convenient place for him to stick his dick when he’s feeling horny. But I don’t care about that either, as long as he was willing to put up with me, I’m happy to let him use my body however he wants.

The head of his big cock ventures down low and finds my opening.

“Don’t cum inside me,” I remind him, as I do each time we get to this point.

“Hey, you’re the one who doesn’t want to use condoms.” He pushes his cockhead into me.

“Condoms aren’t sexy.” I try to relax and focus on the sensation of him sliding slowly into me. Stretching me open. Filling me. Possessing me.

“Neither are incest babies.” He pauses before he’s all the way in. He’s too big for me to take it all – or maybe it’s that I’m too small. Nick knows if he goes much further it will hurt me. He draws back and I moan. It feels totally different going out from when he goes in. How is that even possible?

“Neither is that word.” I wrap my legs around his waist and hold him tight.

“Ha. You don’t mind having incest sex with your brother, but you don’t want to hear the word.”

“It’s not like that with us.” I’m having a hard time concentrating on my argument as he moves in and out of me with perfect rhythm.

“Okay, crazy. But like it or not this is incest.” He leans down and kisses my neck, sending me to a whole new level of pleasure. “And you love it.”

There is no use trying to deny it. “Yes! I love it. I love fucking you. I love fucking my brother’s big hard cock! Fuck me, Nick. Fuck my pussy!”

Our easy lovemaking gives way to lustful fucking. I feel so small and fragile beneath him. At the rough pace we’re going, the tip of his cock comes dangerously close to jabbing my deepest parts. The fear of being impaled by my brother only makes the thrill more intense each time he pulls back at the last possible moment. He would never hurt me…not intentionally.

“God, Rachael, your pussy feels so fucking awesome.”

“You fuck me so good, Nick. I love your cock so much. Just don’t cum inside me.”

“I’m close,” he warns, his breathing now heavy and fast. “I don’t think I can stop.”

“You have to!” I push against him, but this does nothing to keep him from pounding furiously into my pussy. “You can’t cum inside me, Nick. You promised! Pull out!”

“Damn, Rachael, I can’t! You’re so fucking tight. I going to cum!”

“Don’t! You can cum on my tits! Or…or…on my face!”

Shit! Did I just say that? Nick had asked a couple times if he could cum on my face and I told him no way! I’d never let someone do that to me. I wasn’t going to allow any guy degrade me like that – not even my own brother.

Before I can finish that thought, Nick pulls out and aims his cock at my face. All I can do is close my eyes and mouth as tight as possible and turn away. Just as I do, a warm spurt of jizz hits my forehead, another falls across the bridge of my nose and on my right eyelid, a third coats my cheek. Nick grabs my head and pushes the end of his cock against my lips. I don’t know why, but I open my mouth. His cock flexes and cum oozes onto my tongue. I’m freaking out!

I’d had a little taste of his sperm here and there, but I never let him cum in my mouth before. He got a little upset at me for being such a “prude” and tried to tease me into doing it by calling me a little baby. Maybe I was, but the idea of putting something in my mouth that came out of a guy’s penis was just too disgusting to even think about. But, instead of instantly barfing like I assumed I would, I hold onto his load not knowing what to do. Next thing I know, I’m swallowing it down.

I remain stock still for a few seconds. When I don’t die instantly, I realize that it wasn’t all that bad. In fact, I kind of liked it a little. I feel Nick’s cum dribbling down my face and it tickles. As much as I don’t want to admit it, that feels kind of nice too. There’s no way I can let him know…

“Nick!” The deep voice of our father makes my stomach twist into a sudden knot. “Get off of your sister!”

We are so beyond dead it’s not even funny. Nick jumps away as I scramble for something to cover myself with.

“What did you do to her?”

I’d never heard my dad yell so loud in my life. I can only open one eye, but I’m able to see my father lunge for Nick and grab him by the arm. As strong as Nick is, our dad yanks him around like he’s a rag doll. Dad’s free hand balls into a white-knuckled fist.

“I’m going to break your fucking neck!”

“Daddy, no!” I hear myself scream.

“Rachael? Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

“No, Daddy, it’s not like that! He didn’t do anything to me. It was my idea! I wanted him to.”

My dad stands still. He really looks at me for the first time. I hadn’t been able to cover up, so I’m just kneeling there on Nick’s bed totally naked. Even if I had been able to hide my body, my face is still covered in wads of dripping cum.

“Your idea?” He lets go of Nick’s arm and it’s pretty obvious that he’s going to have a big bruise there. “What’s going on here?”

“It’s all my fault, Daddy. Don’t blame it on Nick.” Normally in a situation like this I’d be crying, but for some reason I’m not. “It’s something that I wanted for a long time. I’ve been thinking about having sex with Nick since I was fourteen. It wasn’t until a little while ago that I finally got him to do it. You should be mad at me, not him.”

He shakes his head. Dad looks from me to Nick, then back at me. “It was you, Rachael? I don’t believe it.”

Nick stayed silent.

“It’s true, Daddy. I’m sorry.” The knot in my stomach gets tighter as I realize I have nothing to lose by being completely honest. “I couldn’t help it. I have all kinds of sex fantasies. I know they’re bad, but whenever I think about them it makes me so horny. I masturbate all the time thinking about Nick and…and about you.”

“Me?” My dad and my brother both look surprised.

I nod and hang my head in shame. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I think about you seeing me naked and getting so turned on that your penis gets hard. Then you take it out and jerk off while you watch me play with myself.” I swallow hard and look up.

My dad’s eyes are focused on my little titties. I move my hands away from my crotch and he looks down there. He can see my wispy pubic hairs and my reddened inner lips poking out after just being fucked. Maybe he can even see some of my wetness dripping onto the bedsheets below me. I’m still more scared than I’ve ever been in my life, but I’m also getting horny again knowing that my dad is seeing me this way.

“I told Nick to cum on my face instead of inside me so I wouldn’t get pregnant.” I wait to see if my father would yell at me for talking the way I was. He stays quiet and doesn’t really even seem mad anymore. Just confused. And maybe something else…

“Sorry, Dad,” Nick says in a raspy whisper. “I should have known better.”

Dad just nods. Instead of saying anything, he looks over my naked body again.

“I know what we’re doing is wrong, Daddy, but it feels so good that I can’t help it.” There is a good chance that Dad is deciding to send us to different boarding schools on opposite ends of the country. I can’t let anything like that happen. “I don’t care about any other boys. All I ever think about is Nick and…and you.”

“I…I sometimes—” Dad cuts himself off short. His jaw tenses and he looks away. “It’s wrong…”

“I know, but I think about more than just you seeing me naked. I think about you touching me. With your fingers…and your mouth.” I move off of the bed and stand in front of my father. Nick watches me, not daring to make a sound. “And I fantasize about touching you…about putting you in my mouth…and sucking you.”

My dad turns his head and faces me. It almost looks like he’s going to cry. “You shouldn’t be thinking those things.”

“I know, but I do. I think about you being inside of me.” I press up close to him. His clothes feel rough against my naked skin. “It feels good with Nick, but I want to know what it’s like to be with a man. A man that I really love and who loves me back just as much.”

“I’m not a man, Rachael. I’m your father.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear like he has been doing since I was little. “We can’t. We shouldn’t.”

I sense something in that moment. More than that, I know it as sure as anything.

“No, but we can, Daddy. I’m not the only one who has thought about these things, am I? You think about me too, don’t you?”

“I…no…”

“You think about seeing me naked, and touching me…”

I lift my father’s hand and hold it to my chest. After many long seconds he relaxes his fist. I move his hand to one of my small breasts. It only takes moments for him to give in and feel me. I put his other hand on my other breast. He lightly pinches my fleshy nipples. My dad lets out a shuddering breath. His hands slide down my sides, around to my ass, up my back to my shoulders. With some effort he holds me back at arm length.

“I have, Rachael. God help me, I’ve had those same thoughts. But…it’s still not right…”

“According to this,” I reach out and touch the bulge in my father’s pants, “it doesn’t have anything to do with right and wrong.”

I go down to my knees and unzip his pants. When he doesn’t stop me, I pull my father’s cock out. It’s almost as long as Nick’s and thicker…much thicker. I lean in and take my dad into my mouth. He puts his hand on my head, but instead of pushing me away, he encourages me to take him deeper. I go as far as I can and notice that the knot in my tummy has melted away.

I feel my father wobbling a bit. Without taking him out of my mouth, I urge him to go to his knees as I go down on all fours.

“Oh, God, Rachael…I shouldn’t be letting you do this…”

I know there is no turning back for him. He wants it as much, if not more, than I do. I remember that Nick is still there in the room with us. I glance over and see that he looks somewhat relieved, but also a bit put out. Does he think that I’m throwing him over for Dad? I suck for a little while longer, then come up for air.

“Nick, aren’t you forgetting something?” I wiggle my butt suggestively. “Dad interrupted us before you had a chance to get me off.”

My brother looks at Dad, afraid I’m pushing things too far. A hint of a snarl curls Dad’s lip. I quickly lick his balls, run my tongue up the length of his shaft, and once more wrap my lips around his girth. Our father relaxes, then shrugs. He has lost the moral high ground.

Nick kneels behind me and fingers my puss with his left hand while he pulls on his fear-withered dick with his right. It doesn’t take long before he’s hard again and pushing his way inside his baby sister.

“Oh, God, Daddy…it feels so good when Nick fucks my cunt.” I’m proud of myself for getting my father to let out the moaning whimper that he does. “I can’t wait to see what it feels like when your stretch my little pussy with your big fat cock.”

“Me neither, Rachael. Oh, shit! Me neither!” And just like that my father begins filling my mouth with his cum. This time I’m not afraid at all and swallow his stuff down as fast as I can. It turns out to be more than I expect and I end up gagging a little, but I get it all down. Dad’s load tastes different than Nick’s, but I like it. For some reason it makes me feel like a real woman to let a man cum in my mouth and to eat it all without spitting any out.

“Switch,” I tell them, wanting to feel my dad’s cock inside me before he goes soft.

My father and brother obey without question. Seconds later Nick’s penis is in my mouth, and Dad is behind me spreading me open. I wish I could see the look on his face as he stares at his daughter’s naked pussy for the first time.

“Fuck my little cunny, Daddy,” I beg. “Put your cock in me! I want it so much!”

Dad holds my vagina open and spits on my pussy. I am so wet that we don’t need any extra lubrication, but it makes me feel so dirty that I want him to do it again. Instead, he enters me. Just like Nick, he goes in really, really slow. The deeper he goes, the wider I get stretched. It hurts in a way that’s strangely good. The sounds I’m making are a mix of pain and pleasure.

“You okay, Rachael? I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“No, Daddy. Keep going. Your big cock feels amazing. Give it to me. I want all of it.

“She’s really tight, isn’t she, Dad?”

“Mmm hmm.” Dad still seems a little mad at Nick. Or maybe he’s just embarrassed about giving in so easily. I’m sure when he woke up this morning he wasn’t expecting to be fucking his daughter in front of his son. “Were you the one who taught her to suck cock like that?”

“I…I guess so…”

Dad’s strong hands massage my ass as he pumps in and out of me nice and easy. “Well…you did a good job. You mother has never been able to suck a load out of me that fast. Not even when we were younger and you two were little.”

I can’t believe I’m hearing my dad talk about my mom like that. I could hardly even imagine her having sex much less giving a blowjob. I suck Nick’s cock harder and feel oddly proud of myself. Not only had I seduced my brother into fucking me, but also my own father. A dream come true!

“You can fuck me harder if you want, Daddy. My pussy can handle it. Nick broke me in pretty good with his cock over the past couple months.”

“Hmm, I bet he has.” Dad answers my plea and begins pounding into me with more force. “You’ve been banging your sister every night right under my nose?”

“Pretty much,” Nick confesses. “Most of the time Rachael sneaks into my bed in the middle of the night and sucks my dick until I wake up. Then she rides me until she cums at least three or four times.”

Dad slaps my ass. It stings like hell, but my brother’s cock muffles my scream. “I never realized I raised such a bad girl.” He spreads my butt cheeks and spits on my asshole. “Just don’t let you mother catch you. She’s not as…understanding as I am.” His thick thumb circles around my anus and for the first time I learn that there’s as much pleasure to be had with that hole as with my mouth and pussy. I knew Daddy would be able to teach me things that Nick couldn’t.

Aside from frequent moans and gasps, we become quiet for a while, only paying attention to our bodies and the delectably carnal sins we were committing with each other. I had only lost my virginity a couple short months back, but already I was enjoying two cocks at once. This is something I didn’t think would ever really happen. I’m so glad that it is.

It’s a good five minutes of fucking and sucking before my dad grabs a hold of my hips and really starts slamming into me.

“I’m going to cum,” he growls.

“Shit, me too!” Nick adds.

My whole body is being bounced forward each time my dad pounds into me from behind. Nick is holding my head and fucking my face. I have no control over what is happening to me, but it doesn’t matter because it’s exactly what I want to be happening. The only thing I wish is that I could yell out all the dirty things going through my head.

“Oh, fuuuck!” Dad groans.

I can tell he’s about to blow, and I start to panic. I didn’t tell him not to cum inside me like I always do with Nick. And with my brother’s cock plugging my throat, I can’t remind him now. Oh, fuck!

“Oh, fuck!” Dad slaps my ass again.

“Oh, shit!” Nick grabs two fistfuls of my hair.

All I can do is hope Dad hasn’t completely lost his mind and remembers to pull out. Seconds later I stop caring about any of that because my own orgasm is taking over everything. My daddy is making my pussy cum with his cock. It’s almost too fucking glorious to comprehend!

“I’m sorry, Rachael!” my dad says as he pushes all the way into me. “Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry, baby…”

It almost feels like I’m having two orgasms at the same time, so I’m only vaguely aware that my father is dumping his cum inside me. Before I can even begin to think about the consequences of that, the head of my brother’s cock swells against the back of my throat and suddenly I’m being force fed another healthy serving of man spunk. It slides down easily as my pussy convulses around my dad’s fat cock and my lips seal tight around Nick’s shaft.

Dad and Nick sigh and pull out of me at either end. I gasp for air and let out a sigh of my own. That was the most mind blowing orgasm possible. It can’t get any better than that. My dad leans down and starts kissing my butt cheeks all over. When I giggle, a big glob of his cum spills from my hole and runs down over my clit. It feels wonderfully slimy.

“I’m sorry, Rachael. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You mean cumming inside me?”

“Any of it. And especially that.” My dad can’t stop kissing, licking, and nibbling my butt.

“It’s okay, Daddy. I’m sure it’ll be okay.” I was always terrified of getting knocked up by my brother, but for some weird reason I’m not afraid of the idea of my dad getting me pregnant. I bask in the fading glow of my orgasm and enjoy the feeling of my father practically worshipping my ass. Nick’s softening dick is hovering in front of my face and I give it an occasional lick or kiss as it continues to slowly wilt.

Nick clears his throat. “Yeah, so…Mom is going to be home soon. Maybe we should think about getting dressed or something?”

“Dammit,” my dad curses under his breath. He doesn’t want this to end either. “Okay, but the three of us need to talk about all this and figure some things out.”

“Things like when we can do it again?” I ask with an impish smile. This earns me a playful slap on the rump.

“The answer to that should be never again,” Dad grumbles as he tucks himself away and zips up. “But I have a feeling you’re not going to let me or your brother off the hook that easily.”

“Mom has her planning committee meeting at church tomorrow night. I say we all get together in Dad’s room so we can use the big bed instead of doing it on Nick’s stinky floor.”

Nick looks like he’s good with that plan, but he waits to see what our dad says.

Dad stands up and can’t seem to take his eyes off the jizz dribbling from my cunt. “Just to talk, okay? We have to get things sorted out and make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“Sure, Daddy. Just to talk.” I give Nick a knowing wink.

He nods and holds back a smile. “Don’t worry, Dad, we’ll figure everything out. Won’t we, Rachael?”

I reach back and slip two fingers into my cummy hole. “Definitely.”

My dad shakes his head knowing the battle is already lost. “I’m going to jump in the shower. You two get dressed.” He heads for the door, reluctant to walk away from his insatiably horny daughter. He waves his arms around as he goes. “And, Nick, open a window and try to get the smell of cum and hot pussy out of your room before your mom gets a whiff of what you two have been doing.”

“Love you, Daddy!” I call after him.

I can tell Nick is more relieved that he didn’t get into trouble than anything else, but I’m super excited that now I have two cocks to choose from whenever I want. Not only that, but I’ll be able to have them both at the same time every chance I get. What more could a girl wish for?

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Like most of my fantasy scenarios, this started more modestly and grew over time. At first, I only noticed our dad spying on us. Then it turned into him catching me and my brother fucking and telling us to keep going while he watched and jerked off. The next evolution had me sucking him off while Nick fucked me, and eventually ended up with my dad also fucking me. The part where he teased my butt didn’t get added until I was in college and had experienced some fleeting assplay. Him spitting on my pussy also came in later and only shows up in the fantasy when I’m feeling like being extra raunchy.

While masturbating to this fantasy, more than any other, I say my “lines” out loud. I beg my brother and father for their cocks and plead with them to give me their cum. I love the exhilaration of saying “Daddy” and “Nick” as loud as I dare to along with all the dirty words I can think of. Even though I only do this when I’m absolutely sure I have the house all to myself, it still feels like I’m taking a huge risk – which makes it all the more thrilling.

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