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Sex Snoop

I often snooped through my parents’ bedroom when I was in my mid-teens. I was on the hunt for anything to do with sex, and had no qualms about invading their privacy (as long as I didn’t get caught). I wanted to unravel the mysteries of this adult world of penises and pussies and discover what the grown-ups were hiding from us kids. My holy grail would have been a sex tape, but I would have gladly settled for a hidden stack of Polaroids.

Sex toys weren’t even on my radar back then. My mom had a clunky back massager, which I’d seen her using for that purpose, but only looking back did I realize it most likely doubled as a vibrator. The closest I ever got was a sheer, lacy negligee that my mom had tucked away in the back of her closet.

I tried it on one time, but it didn’t fit me anywhere and looked beyond silly. Still, it turned me on to imagine my mom wearing it and getting my dad all horny for her. There were holes in the large bra section for her nipples to poke through, and they came with a flimsy pair of crotchless panties. This was the pinnacle of kink for me back then. To this day I still get a big thrill out of peek-a-boo bras and crotchless panties. There was also an item of my dad’s that intrigued me, but not in quite the same way.

It must have been some kind of gag gift because I can’t imagine either of my parents actually buying this item. It was a kind of thong thingie, sized for a man. It was pink, and the front of it had two big, floppy elephant ears, googly eyes, and an elephant truck that was designed for a cock to be slipped into it. It was totally silly, but that didn’t stop me from wondering if my dad ever put it on for fun and made the elephant’s trunk stand straight up. It may have been ridiculous, but that didn’t stop me from getting wet thinking about my parents joking around with their genitals behind closed doors.

Ironically, my biggest find wasn’t in my parents’ bedroom, but (as I’ve talked about before) in my father’s workshop. Finding Dad’s small hidden stash of porn magazines and books was a major discovery, and one I often took advantage of (leading to dozens and dozens of furtive masturbation sessions crouched in the dimly lit garage breathing in the heavy odors of motor oil and gasoline as I frantically worked my little pussy in an effort to get off before anyone found me. As wonderful as that cache of goodies was, it wasn’t quite the kind of incriminating personal evidence I was seeking.

I had one other porn find that I sometimes wonder if it was my imagination. When I was somewhere around 17 (yes, I was still snooping at that age (after I’d lost my innocence), always hoping something new might appear), I found a Playgirl magazine under my mom’s side of the mattress. I had heard it mentioned, but never really believed before then that there was such a thing as porn for women. I went through the magazine one page at a time, hardly able to breathe. Almost NO naked women at all! Mostly nude, hairy men in unnatural poses. They were attempting to be manly, but they all somehow seemed kind of effeminate. The funny thing was that I wasn’t overly impressed with the cocks I saw. I mean, they were okay, but what got me excited was the idea that my mom was looking at this stuff. I picked out the guys I thought she might like the most and masturbated to them while wondering if my mom had done the same thing. The magazine was gone the next time I looked.

Strangely, I never really snooped in my brother’s room – at least not for sex stuff. I guess, in my head, he was a kid like me, so what could there be to find? I’m sure if I looked I would have probably found some contraband porn mags, or even a forbidden VHS tape the boys were passing around. What I did do, when I had the house all to myself, was lie on his bed naked and masturbate like a fiend. I can vividly remember planting my feet and raising my hips high up, humping the air as I fingered myself and yelled out dirty stuff I would never dare say aloud to anyone. I would often start these solo sessions by fantasizing that my brother had walked in and caught me. I’d say out loud, “Look at my pussy! You like that? Yeah, watch me play with my pussy! You wanna see me cum, don’t you?” Wow, nothing turned me on back then like being able to just let loose and say whatever obscene thing came into my head while going wild on my cunt in a place I wasn’t supposed to be. “You want to fuck me, don’t you? You want to fuck your little sister’s hot pussy! Go ahead – give me your cock! Put your cock in me!” Oh, shit, so fucking good – even to this day!

I was often too scared to snoop at the houses where I babysat, but when I did I usually came up empty. I guess I grew up in a very sexually repressed area. I found a three-pack of Trojan condoms once, which didn’t do much for me. One lady had a string of balls in her panty drawer that I would only later realize were probably anal beads, but at the time I had no clue what they were for so I didn’t really get to enjoy the discovery in the moment. Maybe I should take up babysitting again – I bet I’d be a lot better at snooping, and I’d probably find a lot more “incriminating evidence”! (Although the advent of the nanny cam might put a crimp in things…)

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Feeling Things Out…

I think my new longitude is giving me weird dreams! Two nights ago I dreamed that a strange pygmy goat kept trying to head butt me. And this morning I had a dream that I was in a sorority with Amy Schumer and for some reason she was referring to her vagina as her “chimney.” The good news is that this dream gave me an idea for a porn story when I woke up. How does this sound…?

“House Boy” – a sorority secures the services of a good-looking, well-hung, experienced stud as a live-in ‘handy man.’ Ostensibly he’s there to take care of the maintenance on the sorority house, but his real purpose is to take care of the sorority sisters. The leaders of the sorority rationalize this with the theory that the girls spend so much time and energy chasing relationships that they would be able to concentrate more on their school work if there was a desirable communal ‘boyfriend’ available to take care of their various physical needs with no strings attached. Of course, in a house full of horny co-eds, this is bound to create more drama than it avoids – but how much fun would it be navigating those stormy waters!? Just a thought…

I haven’t risked doing anything too dirty on my ‘home’ (i.e. company) internet connection yet, but I have found a few nearby coffee shops with free wifi that I can at least use for dirty minded e-mails when I get a chance. I made this update using the TOR browser – which I think should encrypt things enough that it shouldn’t set off any alarms (I hope). I figure if I don’t post too often, and use a different coffee shop each time I do, that I can stay a step or two ahead of the porn police (assuming they’re real, or even care about a low-level offender like me).

Everything here is new and confusing – but I love it so far. The girls are out of their minds…in a good way. It will be challenging, but I’m feeling a lot more confident about this move and excited to find out what adventures each new day might bring!

And, sorry, I didn’t manage to join the mile-high club on the journey here, but I was able to ‘sweep my chimney’ under the blanket during the flight while all the lights were low – it took a long time for me to ‘get there,’ but it was such a nasty thrill!

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Teen Titillations

As a horny teen, I often fantasized about my family as I masturbated. But, I also had a reliable set of non-family scenes I would play out in my mind when I wanted to get off. I thought maybe you’d like to get a quick overview of my greatest hits.

Probably one of my most productive fantasies were scenarios involving one of my many male teachers. My favorite was Mr. Kennet. He was young and handsome, had the build of a jock, and the attitude of a man who had a big, thick cock. My fantasy was fairly simple but it always made me cum like crazy. I had to see him after school about my grades. I wasn’t failing (of course), but I was in danger of spoiling my record of straight A’s. Maybe if I wasn’t daydreaming about Mr. Kennet’s fat cock during class I would be able to focus better! My teacher tells me he can give me some extra credit points if I do something for him. What he wants is for me to take all my clothes off. I’m scared and worried about getting caught, but the humiliation of getting a B is worse than being seen naked. I do as he says and take all my clothes off right there in the classroom. It’s cold and the fluorescent lights are unflattering, but his eyes devour me hungrily. My stomach drops when I see him unzipping his pants. What’s he going to do to me? I want him to do something, but I’m also afraid of what that might be. Mr. Kennet pulls his cock out. It’s as big and thick as I always imagined it was. He leans back in his chair and begins stroking himself. I love watching him jerking off – I’ve never seen a boy do that to himself before. He asks me to turn around and bend over. I willingly obey his request and I look between my knees to see him beating off harder at the view of my butt and pussy from behind. “Spread your ass,” he demands. It’s embarrassing to expose myself like that, but it also turns me on. He stands and moves up close behind me. I’m scared that he’s going to try to fuck me (while also kind of hoping that he does), but instead he groans and shoots a big load of cum all over my asshole. If I haven’t had an orgasm by this point, I usually did when I imagined the feel of his jizz running down over my pussy lips and dripping onto the floor. When I was feeling especially horny, Mr. Kennet would talk to me about my grades during class in front of everyone. All the boys joined him in jerking off to the sight of my naked body while most of the girls just scowled and whispered about what a dirty slut I was.

Another fantasy that I sometimes used had to do with a visit to the doctor. I never got turned on during any actual doctor visits, in fact I was usually freaked out instead. When I was younger, I had convinced myself that when the doctor examined me “down there” that he or she would be able to tell I’d been masturbating. They would inform my mother, and I’d be branded a deviant pervert for life (which I would rightfully deserve!). My doctor fantasy, however, was a lot like my teacher fantasy. A non-specific male doctor would come in for the exam and ask me to take my gown off, leaving me (of course) naked. He would do some standard doctor things – listen to my heart, thump on my back, etc. – then he’d tell me that he needed some pictures for my medical records. This seems weird to me, but I can’t argue. The doctor has me do some poses and he takes several pictures. He assures me that my body is developing nicely, which makes me feel good. He then has me get up on one of the examination tables and put my feet in the stirrups. The doctor gets in between my legs and begins taking close up pictures of my vagina. I ask if that’s really needed and he assures me it’s required. He then says, “Now please spread your cunt open for me.” I’m shocked that a professional would use language like that, but I do as I’m told. This is usually where I’d orgasm. If not, the fantasy would continue. He’d hand me the camera and tell me to take over. The doctor would then begin licking and sucking my pussy. While he was eating me out, he’d make little medicalish comments to justify what he was doing to me. “Hmm, yes, it tastes like your Ph levels are in balance…clitoral response is normal, perhaps even above average…vaginal secretions are high but otherwise healthy…mmmmnumnum…” I was having this oral sex fantasy even before anyone had ever gone down on me. If I lasted past this point, a nurse would usually come in, relieve me of picture taking duty, and finger herself while she photographed me getting my pussy sucked off. The combination of getting my pussy sucked while someone watched was a surefire recipe for one of little Rachael’s orgasms.

Rounding out my top three was a fantasy about a couple my parents knew. They would come over the house sometimes for cookouts or to play cards. This couple seemed way too cool to be friends with my mom and dad – a bit younger, both in good shape, and better looking. I’m a little less clear on the details of these fantasies, but it usually involved me sleeping over this couple’s house for some reason. During the night I’d hear noises and go investigate. Obviously I’d find them fucking (and usually it wasn’t in their bedroom, for some reason). I would spy on them while playing with myself. Just the idea of seeing people fuck was a big thrill for me back then (guess it still is). The woman, Judy, would see me spying and invite me to come closer. She would show me Jerry’s penis and teach me how to give a blowjob. While I was learning to suck cock, she would mount her husband’s face and fuck his mouth right in front of me. The scene played out in many different ways depending on how I was feeling at the moment, but is usually involved them touching me all over and closely checking out my pussy together. They’d often ask me to masturbate for them. Once I did, they’d start fucking again. I’d watch them and they’d watch me until we all got off together. The thought of a fucking couple watching me masturbate is a theme that still shows up in my fantasies to this day.

I also had a few hybrid fantasies that involved my brother but was more about his stupid friends. The one I remember the most is where he’d have three or four friends over. He’d come and get me and drag me to the family room where he’d tell me to get naked for them. Sometimes he’d blackmail me into doing it, or sometimes I’d resist and he’d forcibly strip me. One of the guys would put on music and they’d tell me to dance for them. When I did, they’d all take out their cocks and start jerking off to me. I’d quickly get into it, dancing sexy for them and opening my legs wide so they could see my pussy. My brother’s friends would start cumming quickly, but what really got me off was when my brother would make me kneel in front of him and he’d blow his load all over my face in front of everyone. It was the idea of all his friends seeing him do something like that to his horny little sister was what got me off.

There were plenty more, usually inspired by events of the day and the people I’d most recently come in contact with, but these were a few of my dependable go-to’s. Now that I’ve gathered a few of them together, I can see that my teenage fantasies had a very strong exhibitionist streak to them. I suppose it’s only natural for a young girl to want to be admired and desired. In reality, I wasn’t at all confident about my body, and definitely not comfortable about anyone seeing me naked. I have to imagine that’s exactly why my fantasies took on the opposite elements of my real life. I know Freud did a lot with dream analysis, but I wonder if he ever considered sexual fantasy analysis for insights into a person’s true psyche? If not, perhaps I can invent a new branch of psychology. What a job that would be – listening to people’s masturbation fantasies all day! Hmmm…maybe there’s a story idea there…?

Anyway, this was a fun little trip down memory lane for me, and I hope you enjoyed learning about my more “normal” fantasies. Do you remember what thoughts you most often wanked yourself to when you were a kid? If you do, leave a comment and share it with all of us!

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My Valentine’s Excellent Adventure

I want to quickly mention that, as many of you may have noticed by now, my blog hosting platform has been very unstable lately. Sometimes when visiting my site you’ll get an error page instead of naked stuff and dirty words. Usually you can just hit refresh a few times and everything will pop up, but sometimes it can take a few hours before things are working again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve frequently been unable to access the admin area (occasionally for days at a time). I just want to assure everyone that if the site is down, or hasn’t been updated for a while, it doesn’t mean I’ve gone away or that anything is wrong on my end – it’s just the curse of technology. If ever there is a catastrophic collapse and kinky-blogging goes away permanently, the best place to find out what’s going on will be to look me up on Twitter (@DirtyMindedMinx).

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I hope everyone had a naughty Valentine’s day! (Even if you were alone for it.)

Hubby and I celebrated a little early this year. I arranged for the little ones to have a sleep over at Grammy’s house Saturday night so Mommy could go out on a romantic date night with Daddy. More importantly, it also meant that Mommy and Daddy could come home after and have a slammin’ fuck-fest and be as noisy as we wanted to!

I began by showing off my new sheer crotchless black panties to hubs on our way to the restaurant. He wanted to test out their easy-access features right there on the highway, but I wouldn’t let him. Once we were at the restaurant, however, I dipped my fingers down there a few times during the meal and let him try a sample while no one was looking (at least I hope they weren’t). On the ride home, somehow the spaghetti straps of my dress fell down and my titties popped out. It would have been too much trouble to cover up, so instead I played with my nipples while I took advantage of my crotchlessness at the same time. Dave had only had two glasses of wine, but for some reason his driving was very erratic that night! I just hope none of the truckers we passed were able to see what I was doing.

Once home, I stripped down to my panties and thigh-high stockings, then got my man naked. I introduced him to my new toy (which I’ve inadvertently named Bill ‘n’ Ted). He was, needless to say, very excited to find out what I had in mind. He denied it, but for a few seconds I think he may have wondered if I had another woman hiding in the house that I planned on using the double-dildo with.

I started with a little demonstration, which got his full attention. I didn’t go so far as to do my jerk off routine (or admit how that was my main reason for buying the thing in the first place). He also didn’t suck the other end like I secretly hoped he might. What he did do was lube up my backside, bend the toy around and work the smaller head into my asshole. He then double-fucked me, occasionally diddling my clitty, until I had my first full-blown screaming orgasm of the night. I often make a lot of noise when I cum during the day while I’m alone, but it was nice to let loose with him there and no worries about waking anyone up.

After that, I got a brief titty fuck before he mounted my face. His freshly shaved balls got a thorough tongue bath along with his butt hole. Every time he reached for his cock during this portion of the festivities I’d push his hand away. As much as I like getting a nice gooey serving of jizz on my forehead, I wanted to torment him. I was half expecting him to cum hands free!

There was a lot of sucking, fondling, and fingering from there. We ended up 69ing, him licking my asshole from behind, and a few other foreplay positions before I got on top and squatted on his cock. I rode him until I came, then spun around and bounced on his hard-on reverse cowgirl style until he blew his load in me. There was some romantic spooning after that. When I felt his erection growing along the length of my butt crack, I knew it was time for round two (a rare treat these days).

Since Bill ‘n’ Ted had already loosened me up back there, it was only natural that we re-enacted the Valentine’s Day two years ago when I gave up my anal virginity. With this being the third V-Day in a row that I’ve been assfucked, I’d say hubby and I have establish it as a holiday tradition. We did the dirty deed in a few positions, at one point I did loop in my double-dildo for a little flesh and rubber DP action. I frigged myself off to my fourth or fifth orgasm of the night, and shortly thereafter my handsome boy dumped another load in my hiney (which was still a little sore up until yesterday!).

We both wanted to try for a third round, but somewhere during the recovery period we both fell asleep. The good news is that without the kids screaming us awake at 7:00 am, we were able to sleep in and wake up with enough energy for some nice, relaxing morning sex.

I’m very happy with my new purchase, and it will be an interesting challenge to see if I can coax my homo-sensitive hubby into trying some new things with it. This will be the test to find out if I’ll one day be investing in a strap-on. I’m still more than a little leery about the idea of emasculating my husband by fucking him in the ass and making him my little bitch, but we’re a long way off from that point so I’m going to put off worrying about it for now and just see where things go.

Now all I have to do is figure out what kinky things we can try for our President’s Day sex fest!

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Spectator Sports

I love watching my husband jerk off. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, as well as my general fascination with male masturbation, but I’ve gotten a few questions about this recently so I thought this was a good time to restate my position on guys waxing the dolphin, spanking the monkey, and/or punching the clown.

I don’t want to get too deep into my overall masturbation fetish, but I was raised with the idea that pleasuring oneself was deviant behavior and so it had to be practiced in private and was never to be a topic of conversation with anyone. This is a big part of why I enjoy seeing other people do it – I’m, seeing something that I shouldn’t be; a deeply private act that the person I’m seeing performing it should be ashamed and embarrassed by. That’s the twisted psychological framing that makes it so erotic for me.

I very much enjoy watching videos of women masturbating, but being a female myself means that I’m intimately familiar with how it all works (though it is fun to see the spin other ladies put on the process of getting themselves off). Watching a guy wank his cock was a subject of much speculation and fantasy for me throughout my teens. I eventually gleaned the mechanics of it all, but actually witnessing it eluded me until I was in college and had a boyfriend uninhibited enough to beat his meat for my viewing pleasure. I’ve been hooked ever since.

My husband and I frequently masturbate together, either as foreplay or as a mutual midweek treat before we go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll ask him to whack off for me so I can watch. I’m enthralled by seeing the way he handles himself like such an expert. I’d like to think I can deliver a decent handjob, but when I see my husband stroke himself I realize that I’m still in the minor leagues compared to him.

I like when he whips up a batch of baby batter while on his knees. It’s especially amazing when his balls are hanging loose and flying all over the place while he goes at it. I watch them bouncing off his pumping fist really hard and wonder how that’s possible when I can merely graze his nuts in the wrong way and he’s curled up in pain. Testicles are strange little creatures – and oh so lickable.

My favorite part, of course, is the grand finale: the cumshot! It doesn’t get much sexier in my book that seeing a thick load of semen shooting out of a man’s cock. I know you guys see it every day (sometimes a few times a day), but it still thrills me today as it did the first time I saw it happen. It’s like a sexy magic trick! Not only that, but you get to eat the rabbit that gets pulled out of the hat (hmm, that doesn’t sound as appealing as it should). I often struggle with the dilemma of having my husband jerk off into my mouth or onto himself. If he nuts in my mouth, I don’t get to see him squirt (unless we go for an uncertain attempt from 3-point territory). If he spooges all over his belly and chest, I get to see all the sexiness exploding everywhere, but then I have a lot of work to do to collect it all with my tongue.

No matter which way it goes I’m happy because I know I’ll have plenty of chances to have my loving hubby jack off for me in whatever way I’m horny for on any given day.

How about all of you? What’s your masturbation relation with your partner?

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Now for something completely different…

A reader recently forwarded this article to me and it looks like my story “Stroke Break” might be more prescient that any of us dared hope!

Should You Masturbate at Work?


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