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Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted To…

I hate to use up a whole post for this random thought I had the other day, but, fuck it, I’m going to anyway…

So, I was once again pondering whether or not I’m addicted to porn as I was dusting and vacuuming like the dutiful little housewife and mom that I am. Then I conducted a quick thought experiment that made me feel a lot better. I’m sure there’s a flaw somewhere in my logic, but I don’t really want to find it!

This is what I came up with: If you took away my porn, I would still masturbate. But, if you took away my ability to masturbate, I wouldn’t still watch porn. So, this proves that I’m not addicted to porn. I’m addicted to masturbating! I don’t mind being a masturbation addict, I just don’t want to be labelled as a porn addict (even though I probably might be).

Either way, it made feel better about myself, and that’s all that matters. I have a lot more to say on this topic, but it’s been at least 10 minutes since I’ve looked at any porn and my fingers are beginning to twitch.

Gotta goooo!

Snooper Trooper

I was hiding my double dildo in the back of my sweater drawer yesterday after a rousing session and was reminded of a post from a little while back about making sure it wasn’t too difficult for either of my girls to find my sex toys when they’re older if they ever sneak into my room to snoop around the way I used to when I was a curious teen. I wondered what they’d think if they found Mommy’s strange rubber thing with two cockheads at either end. As I closed the drawer I told myself not to bother thinking about it because it would be many years before they began exploring my private places for sex stuff. Then a thought hit me like a thunderbolt! How did I not consider this before!?

In another year or so, my nephew Adam will be old enough to babysit my girls. The possibilities suddenly blew my mind. I wouldn’t have to wait seven or eight years for my nosy darlings to go poking through my things looking for naughty stuff. A year and half should give Adam time to become responsible enough to keep an eye on his cousins for a few hours while Aunty Rach and Uncle Dave go out for dinner and a movie – being sure not to come home until after the girls have gone to bed. A promised call to let my sweet nephew know we were leaving the theater should make him secure enough to venture into forbidden areas of our home without having to worry about being caught in the act. My heart still races whenever I think about this.

I’ve come up with a few other illicit plans over the years, but this is the first one I can easily implement and not have to worry about getting myself into trouble. My latest scheme was to give Adam a hand-me-down tablet that had some racy pictures of me in the trash bin. Of course Aunt Rachael is so clueless about technology that she didn’t know that she had to empty the trash to really delete those naughty images. But, if his parents ever found out, they’d know I wasn’t that un-tech savvy. But, with this new plan, it’s not my fault he went snooping in my bedroom!

I never expected my nephew to violate my privacy like that, your honor. I’m an innocent victim here! How was I to know he would go into my hamper and sniff my dirty panties while he jacked his cock? I never would have guessed he’d rummage through my lingerie drawer and suck the dildo I’d used the night before and hadn’t washed yet. I can’t be held responsible for him going through the pictures on my camera and finding selfies of me that I took while topless (and perhaps bottomless). And I assumed it was my husband’s dried jizz that I found on my toothbrush the next morning. The defense rests!

Maybe I could write some raunchy love letters for him to find. Or better yet, perhaps he could find my hidden x-rated diary where I reminisce about my sexual experiences and record the dirty fantasies I’m too embarrassed to share with my husband. I’d love to plant something that he could easily steal and take home with him to jerk off to, but I wouldn’t want him to get caught. Although, now that I think about it, he would likely use his phone to take pics of anything really good that he found. On the other hand, If was caught by his parents, this could actually lead to an interesting situation.

If my brother found naked pictures of me on his son’s phone, would he sweep it under the rug or come and talk to me about it? It would be hard to hide my excitement during such a conversation just knowing my brother had seen me naked, saw pictures of my fuck toys, or read about my depraved fantasies. Or, maybe my brother would keep them for his own private pleasure. Geez, my head is spinning with all the potential implications! This next year and a half is going to be torture for me!

In the meantime, I suppose I need to start shopping for a good HD nanny cam for my bedroom…

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This ‘n’ That

I have a couple bits of un-fun bizniss to get out of the way, and then a quick insight into my dirty mind.

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I love when you leave comments and I can’t get enough of them! I’ve complained about how clunky and basic the commenting system is on this blogging platform plenty of times, and I’m not going to stop anytime soon. One of the quirks of the system is that if anything is entered in the “website” field when you’re making a comment, then your message gets thrown into the spam bucket (it doesn’t even have to be a web address). I have no idea why, but it means that your comment won’t appear until I comb through the 30 to 50 items that show up in my spam bucket each day in order to rescue the occasional legitimate comment. If you want to your message to appear right away and not risk having it accidentally flushed with the real spam, always leave the “website” field blank!

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There has been a spike in requests for pictures of me. I want to once again make it clear that I don’t share pictures. If this is seems too vague, let me try to be more specific. I won’t share nude photos of myself. I won’t share clothed pics. I won’t share naked images with my face blurred or cut off. I won’t share clothed pictures of me with my face blurred or cut off. I won’t share photos of just my boobs, just my pussy, just my feet, or just any part of my body. I won’t send you pics of my sex toys, my dirty panties, or my used tampons. I won’t share pictures of my daughters, brother, or any family member. I guess what I’m trying to say (without sounding like too big of a bitch), is that I will not share pictures having anything to do with my private life. I totally understand why guys want/need my picture, but it’s just not going to happen. I’m honestly nothing all that special bodywise, and there are millions of willing naked women on the web with much more to offer than me. Part of my problem with the repeated requests is that I’m generally a people pleaser and I hate saying no. It’s uncomfortable for me to have to constantly say no even after I’ve addressed the sharing of pictures in other posts and in my FAQ. I feel like I freely share enough of my self through my stories and posts and don’t deserve the pressure to give more than I already do. Sorry for being such a downer on this topic, but if you want more details about why I’m so protective about sharing pictures, you can take a look at this post from waaaay back in 2014: Photophobia.

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In a recent email, a horny reader commented that he would like to be a fly on the wall when me and my friends get together with some wine. Well, I had to tell him that he would be one bored fly. My “mommy friends” are all very conservative and uptight (at least they are when we get together). It’s all about kids, TV shows, kids, clothes, kids, stupid husbands, and more kid stuff. To be honest, after about twenty minutes I’m ready to blow my brains out. But then my dirty mind takes over. As one of my friend chatters on, I wonder what she looks like naked. Big nipples or tiny points? Are they still firm or saggy fun bags? Hairy or shaved? Gnarly lips of delicate petals? Gaping fuck hole or modest love tunnel? I often wonder about what they look like when they masturbate. What technique do they use? Is she a furniture humper like me? Does she ram herself raw with a big dong while her legs are in the air? Does she quietly vibe herself under the blanket in the dark? Does she squat on a big black dildo in the middle of her living room and fuck it like there’s no tomorrow? After this, I start to bring husbands into the picture. Does she like to take it from behind or ride him reverse cowgirl style? Does she let him cum on her face? Do they tongue each other’s asshole like me and my husband? What would she do if I was sucking her husband’s cock right in front of her? Would she finger fuck herself and watch while I swallowed her man’s load? What if I took on all of their husbands at once? Three at a time filling each of my holes and covering me in hot jizz while those waiting their turn jerked their hard cocks in anticipation. Would my prudish friends gather around to lick my spunk-covered body clean after the men were done with me? Whew, yeah! So, while our get-togethers are extremely dull, I usually end up masturbating like a mad woman as soon as the tea party ends!

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New Year’s Dissolution

First of all, instead of a stodgy ol’ kiss at the stroke of midnight, I propose that the new tradition should look something like this photo! No one would ever want to stay in on New Year’s Eve again.

Secondly, I want to start a new tradition – the New Year’s Dissolution! Instead of a silly resolution aimed at making us better people, I propose we do the opposite. A Dissolution should be a promise to yourself that you’re going to do something bad this year that you’ve never done before.

Ideally, this Dissolution will be something sexual, like suck my first cock, get up the courage to ask my wife to piss on me, or tell my mom that I had sexual fantasies about her when I was a teen. You can also make a pledge to do something non-sexual as long as it’s bad. It could be to give L.S.D. a try, to finally tell that “friend” of yours that you can’t stand them, or to take a big, steamy dump on your boss’s desk. Sometimes you’ve got to be bad to feel good!

Whatever your Dissolution is, it’s bound to be easier to keep than those guilt-ridden resolutions we always make and break. Not only that, but as scary as they may be, there’s a good chance we’ll benefit much more from fulfilling our fun Dissolutions than our lame resolutions.

My New Year’s Dissolution for 2017 is to flash my boobs to a stranger. Both tits, nipples and all. I don’t know how, when, or where yet, but I’m determined to do it. I feel a bit panicky inside just sitting here making this commitment, but I think I’ll be a happier person in the long run if I can get over my fear and do something I’ve been curious about for years.

So…what’s your New Year’s Dissolution?

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