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Snooper Trooper

I was hiding my double dildo in the back of my sweater drawer yesterday after a rousing session and was reminded of a post from a little while back about making sure it wasn’t too difficult for either of my girls to find my sex toys when they’re older if they ever sneak into my room to snoop around the way I used to when I was a curious teen. I wondered what they’d think if they found Mommy’s strange rubber thing with two cockheads at either end. As I closed the drawer I told myself not to bother thinking about it because it would be many years before they began exploring my private places for sex stuff. Then a thought hit me like a thunderbolt! How did I not consider this before!?

In another year or so, my nephew Adam will be old enough to babysit my girls. The possibilities suddenly blew my mind. I wouldn’t have to wait seven or eight years for my nosy darlings to go poking through my things looking for naughty stuff. A year and half should give Adam time to become responsible enough to keep an eye on his cousins for a few hours while Aunty Rach and Uncle Dave go out for dinner and a movie – being sure not to come home until after the girls have gone to bed. A promised call to let my sweet nephew know we were leaving the theater should make him secure enough to venture into forbidden areas of our home without having to worry about being caught in the act. My heart still races whenever I think about this.

I’ve come up with a few other illicit plans over the years, but this is the first one I can easily implement and not have to worry about getting myself into trouble. My latest scheme was to give Adam a hand-me-down tablet that had some racy pictures of me in the trash bin. Of course Aunt Rachael is so clueless about technology that she didn’t know that she had to empty the trash to really delete those naughty images. But, if his parents ever found out, they’d know I wasn’t that un-tech savvy. But, with this new plan, it’s not my fault he went snooping in my bedroom!

I never expected my nephew to violate my privacy like that, your honor. I’m an innocent victim here! How was I to know he would go into my hamper and sniff my dirty panties while he jacked his cock? I never would have guessed he’d rummage through my lingerie drawer and suck the dildo I’d used the night before and hadn’t washed yet. I can’t be held responsible for him going through the pictures on my camera and finding selfies of me that I took while topless (and perhaps bottomless). And I assumed it was my husband’s dried jizz that I found on my toothbrush the next morning. The defense rests!

Maybe I could write some raunchy love letters for him to find. Or better yet, perhaps he could find my hidden x-rated diary where I reminisce about my sexual experiences and record the dirty fantasies I’m too embarrassed to share with my husband. I’d love to plant something that he could easily steal and take home with him to jerk off to, but I wouldn’t want him to get caught. Although, now that I think about it, he would likely use his phone to take pics of anything really good that he found. On the other hand, If was caught by his parents, this could actually lead to an interesting situation.

If my brother found naked pictures of me on his son’s phone, would he sweep it under the rug or come and talk to me about it? It would be hard to hide my excitement during such a conversation just knowing my brother had seen me naked, saw pictures of my fuck toys, or read about my depraved fantasies. Or, maybe my brother would keep them for his own private pleasure. Geez, my head is spinning with all the potential implications! This next year and a half is going to be torture for me!

In the meantime, I suppose I need to start shopping for a good HD nanny cam for my bedroom…

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This ‘n’ That

I have a couple bits of un-fun bizniss to get out of the way, and then a quick insight into my dirty mind.

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I love when you leave comments and I can’t get enough of them! I’ve complained about how clunky and basic the commenting system is on this blogging platform plenty of times, and I’m not going to stop anytime soon. One of the quirks of the system is that if anything is entered in the “website” field when you’re making a comment, then your message gets thrown into the spam bucket (it doesn’t even have to be a web address). I have no idea why, but it means that your comment won’t appear until I comb through the 30 to 50 items that show up in my spam bucket each day in order to rescue the occasional legitimate comment. If you want to your message to appear right away and not risk having it accidentally flushed with the real spam, always leave the “website” field blank!

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There has been a spike in requests for pictures of me. I want to once again make it clear that I don’t share pictures. If this is seems too vague, let me try to be more specific. I won’t share nude photos of myself. I won’t share clothed pics. I won’t share naked images with my face blurred or cut off. I won’t share clothed pictures of me with my face blurred or cut off. I won’t share photos of just my boobs, just my pussy, just my feet, or just any part of my body. I won’t send you pics of my sex toys, my dirty panties, or my used tampons. I won’t share pictures of my daughters, brother, or any family member. I guess what I’m trying to say (without sounding like too big of a bitch), is that I will not share pictures having anything to do with my private life. I totally understand why guys want/need my picture, but it’s just not going to happen. I’m honestly nothing all that special bodywise, and there are millions of willing naked women on the web with much more to offer than me. Part of my problem with the repeated requests is that I’m generally a people pleaser and I hate saying no. It’s uncomfortable for me to have to constantly say no even after I’ve addressed the sharing of pictures in other posts and in my FAQ. I feel like I freely share enough of my self through my stories and posts and don’t deserve the pressure to give more than I already do. Sorry for being such a downer on this topic, but if you want more details about why I’m so protective about sharing pictures, you can take a look at this post from waaaay back in 2014: Photophobia.

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In a recent email, a horny reader commented that he would like to be a fly on the wall when me and my friends get together with some wine. Well, I had to tell him that he would be one bored fly. My “mommy friends” are all very conservative and uptight (at least they are when we get together). It’s all about kids, TV shows, kids, clothes, kids, stupid husbands, and more kid stuff. To be honest, after about twenty minutes I’m ready to blow my brains out. But then my dirty mind takes over. As one of my friend chatters on, I wonder what she looks like naked. Big nipples or tiny points? Are they still firm or saggy fun bags? Hairy or shaved? Gnarly lips of delicate petals? Gaping fuck hole or modest love tunnel? I often wonder about what they look like when they masturbate. What technique do they use? Is she a furniture humper like me? Does she ram herself raw with a big dong while her legs are in the air? Does she quietly vibe herself under the blanket in the dark? Does she squat on a big black dildo in the middle of her living room and fuck it like there’s no tomorrow? After this, I start to bring husbands into the picture. Does she like to take it from behind or ride him reverse cowgirl style? Does she let him cum on her face? Do they tongue each other’s asshole like me and my husband? What would she do if I was sucking her husband’s cock right in front of her? Would she finger fuck herself and watch while I swallowed her man’s load? What if I took on all of their husbands at once? Three at a time filling each of my holes and covering me in hot jizz while those waiting their turn jerked their hard cocks in anticipation. Would my prudish friends gather around to lick my spunk-covered body clean after the men were done with me? Whew, yeah! So, while our get-togethers are extremely dull, I usually end up masturbating like a mad woman as soon as the tea party ends!

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New Year’s Dissolution

First of all, instead of a stodgy ol’ kiss at the stroke of midnight, I propose that the new tradition should look something like this photo! No one would ever want to stay in on New Year’s Eve again.

Secondly, I want to start a new tradition – the New Year’s Dissolution! Instead of a silly resolution aimed at making us better people, I propose we do the opposite. A Dissolution should be a promise to yourself that you’re going to do something bad this year that you’ve never done before.

Ideally, this Dissolution will be something sexual, like suck my first cock, get up the courage to ask my wife to piss on me, or tell my mom that I had sexual fantasies about her when I was a teen. You can also make a pledge to do something non-sexual as long as it’s bad. It could be to give L.S.D. a try, to finally tell that “friend” of yours that you can’t stand them, or to take a big, steamy dump on your boss’s desk. Sometimes you’ve got to be bad to feel good!

Whatever your Dissolution is, it’s bound to be easier to keep than those guilt-ridden resolutions we always make and break. Not only that, but as scary as they may be, there’s a good chance we’ll benefit much more from fulfilling our fun Dissolutions than our lame resolutions.

My New Year’s Dissolution for 2017 is to flash my boobs to a stranger. Both tits, nipples and all. I don’t know how, when, or where yet, but I’m determined to do it. I feel a bit panicky inside just sitting here making this commitment, but I think I’ll be a happier person in the long run if I can get over my fear and do something I’ve been curious about for years.

So…what’s your New Year’s Dissolution?

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My Current Masturbation Fantasy

I thought some of you might be interested in the fantasy I’ve been working on over the past month or so during my masturbation sessions…

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My sister-in-law Beth comes over one day to visit, but I can tell there’s something on her mind. I don’t push and let her come around to whatever it is on her own as I serve tea and chit-chat with her with her about nothing. Beth is an attractive woman. I always thought my brother deserved someone a lot prettier, but I’m probably biased. She’s just a couple inches shorter than me, wears her dirty-blond hair straight, and keeps herself fit. Breasts are about the same size as mine, though she’s more prone to show off some cleavage than I am. My brother’s wife has me beat in the booty department, but (in my humble opinion) I’ve got the edge when it comes to legs.

She finally comes around to what’s on her mind.

“This will probably seem like a weird thing for me to ask you, but I wanted your advice on something. Something very…personal. And it has to stay just between us.”

She has my attention. “I’m listening.”

“It has to do with sex…with Nick.”

Beth and I had never shared “girl talk” about our husbands before. I’m dying to hear what kinds of kinky things my big brother gets up to with his nice but generally “boring” wife. “Okay. I think I can handle it. Go on.”

“He told me a few years ago that he has a fantasy about being with two women…in bed. You know…”

“I get it, Beth. I think most men have that fantasy in their top three.”

“I’ve never been crazy about the idea, although not because I’m not curious about what it would be like with another woman.” She’s having a hard time looking at me as she speaks about these intimate secrets. “I just didn’t think I could ever find someone I could trust.”

“I can see how that would be a tricky part of it all.”

“Right. So, Nick’s birthday is coming up, and I want to make his fantasy come true as his present this year.”

“Wow. Does he know yet?”

“I want it to be a surprise. But before I go any further, I wanted to see if you thought I should go through with it.”

“Why me? I’ve never had a threesome before.” I wonder briefly if she knows about my hidden online identity.

“No, but you’ve known Nick a lot longer than I have. Do you think a three-way is something he would really want to do? Or is it just a fantasy and nothing more?”

She really put me on the spot with that. I knew nothing about my brother when it came to sex. In my fantasies, he was open to a lot of things, but that was just in my mind. I’m tempted to tell her to give up on the idea, but I can’t resist encouraging her with the sole hope that she’ll share the details with me after it happens.

“I say go for it.” I notice her face become a mix of surprise and excitement.

“You mean it? You think it would be okay?”

“If it’s something you both want, then you should at least give it a try. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, just forget about it and move on.”

“And you don’t think I’m some kind of perverted slut for wanting this?”

“All guys fantasize about threesomes, all women fantasize about being with another woman.”

“Even you?” She seems a little too eager to hear my answer to that question.

“From time to time.” I try to turn the focus away from me. “Now you just have to find a woman you can trust.”

“I trust you.”

The words hang in the air for several long minutes. She can’t be saying what I think she’s saying.

“Beth…what are you…?”

“You see, Nick has another fantasy.” She goes back to fidgeting and avoiding direct eye contact. “He fantasizes about having sex with you.”

A frenzy of conflicting emotions well up inside me. It’s a dream come true, but scary at the same time. “He said that?”

Beth nods. “Last year for his birthday, I…I pretended to be you when we made love that night. He called me by your name, and I said things to him like I was you. It was the best sex we’d had since before Adam was born.”

I’m almost too blown away to talk. “Wait…all those outfits you’ve been borrowing over the past year…?”

She blushes at that, making her cheeks even redder than they already are. “So I could dress up like you. Sometimes I would do stripteases for him in your clothes, or sometimes he just wanted to do me in one of your dresses. He loves it. And so do I.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I want to give your brother the real thing for his birthday this year. I want him to have you.” She looks at me and bites her lip nervously. “I don’t even have to be involved if you don’t want, but I would at least like to watch.”

I try to process it all, but my rational side is numb while my libidinous side is going crazy. A chance to finally fuck my brother and not risk ruining his marriage has just been plopped in my lap.

“But what I really want is for it to be a full on threesome,” Beth continues with a sense of needy urgency. “I trust you more than anyone I know, and I think you’re sexy as hell. You have no idea how often I masturbate and think of being with you, Rachael.”

That makes up my mind.

“Yes.” I take my sister-in-law’s shaky hands in mine. “I’ll do it.”

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Beth is in a pink teddy. Nick is blindfolded and moves haltingly as she leads him into the bedroom.

“What have you got planned this time?” he questions and sniffs the air. “Mmm…you got my sister’s perfume, didn’t you?” At this point Beth removes his shirt. “What else?” She undoes his pants and pulls them down.

I can see my brother’s hard-on in his boxer shorts. My tummy fills with butterflies.

“Did you manage to steal a pair of her dirty panties? You did, didn’t you?”

Beth shoot me a wink and shimmies down his underwear. I see my brother’s cock for the first time. All doubt leaves me and for the first time I’m one-hundred percent sure this was the right choice.

“Ready?” Beth checks with her husband, then pulls off the blindfold. “Happy birthday!”

He blinks and smiles big as he spots a naked lady on his bed. He blinks some more and as his vision clears the smile fades.

“Rachael?” He looks at Beth confused. “What…?”

“I told her everything,” Beth admits, stepping close and taking hold of his erection. “Your sister wants to play with us. She’s agreed to make your fantasy come true.”

He looks at me, unable to believe it. “Rachael…are you sure?”

Instead of answering, I open my legs, spreading them wide. The sight of my dripping pussy is all it takes to convince him.

“Get over here and fuck your horny sister’s cunt while I eat your slutty wife’s pussy.”

The two of them kiss, then Nick is on top of me. “I’ve been wanting this for so long.”

“Me, too,” I whisper back.

I cry out with unrestrained ecstasy as my brother fills me with his cock.

Beth has stripped out of her negligee and joins us on the bed. “That’s it, Nick, fuck your sister’s hot pussy. Give her what she’s always wanted.” I’m too distracted by my brother’s thick cock pushing deep into me over and over again to be able to enjoy watching Beth masturbate to the sight of our incestuous union. It’s everything I ever dreamed of and more.

“Can I cum inside you, Rachael? Please say yes.”

“Do it. I want your cum in my cunt, Nick. Give it to me!”

We both orgasm together, with Beth getting herself off along with us. We waste no time before switching into a new position. Beth lies down, I turn over and bury my face between her legs while my brother slides into me from behind. Ten minutes later we each get off again. I barely have time to catch my breath before I’m straddling my sister-in-law’s face and she’s sucking her husband’s cum out of my pussy. Nick watches and strokes himself while he fingers his wife’s cunt. That’s when I notice something.

Someone is peeking in from the doorway. It’s my nephew Adam. My instinct is to scream and cover up, but his mother’s mouth on my clit feels too good to stop. It soon becomes obvious that he’s jerking off as he watches his parents fucking and sucking his aunt. I quickly decide that I don’t care if he watches. In fact, I want him to watch. I love that he’s watching his mother suck me off and eat the two loads of his father’s semen that I have inside me. I cum on Beth’s mouth, then push my brother onto his back and mount his big cock. Beth gets on his face and the two of us make out while we each hump Nick. I wonder if Adam can see my asshole as I ride his dad’s prick.

Our threesome goes on for a couple more hours. Things slow down, but none of us wants it to end. I suck my brother to orgasm while his wife licks his balls. I don’t get much of a reward, but just being able to taste my brother’s sperm is enough for me. Beth and I eat each other out some more, and even grind our cunts together. I’m dying to tongue fuck my brother’s asshole, but I want to save that for the next time we play together. And I know there’s going to be a next time as long as my husband doesn’t find out what I’m doing.

Adam is no longer in the doorway. “I think we woke your son,” I say during a lull in the action. “He saw us.”

“Yeah, we should have warned you.” Nick kisses one of my nipples, cupping my other breast lovingly. “He’s been spying on us for a few months now. I was going to have a talk with him, but Beth wouldn’t let me.”

Beth pauses tickling her own clit for a moment before saying anything. “Nick noticed him first and told me. I was pissed, but then the next time he peeped on us while we were doing it I got so turned on it was insane. It’s so fucking hot knowing that my son is watching me get fucked.” She plunges two fingers into her well-used hole and begins masturbating. I quickly join her. It’s only a matter of seconds before my brother is stroking his half limp cock.

“I found some pictures of you in a bikini on Adam’s tablet, y’know,” my brother mentions as the three of us brought ourselves closer to our final orgasms of the night. “He’s been jerking off to fantasies about his sexy aunt.”

“Well, fantasies do sometimes come true.” I zero in on my sore clit and work it as fast as I can. “Doesn’t Adam have a birthday coming up soon…?”

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It started out with the conversation between me and my sister-in-law. I was getting myself off just to the idea of her inviting me to be in a threesome with her and my brother. I was then able to get as far as me opening my legs for Nick. Damn, would that be fucking hot! Eventually, I was able to progress to the actual sex. The addition of my nephew only cropped up earlier this week for the first time. This was an unexpected development, but I think we all know where this fantasy is going next…

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Happy Wanksgiving

I adore the word “wank.”

This British euphemism for male masturbation strikes just the right note for me. The sound of the word almost perfectly captures the impression of the act it names, much like its more recent American cousin: fap. While fapping has a fun ring to it, I still find wanking to be far superior.

Part of its appeal also has to do with how easily it can cross over to female masturbation. This might ring false to the ear of those from the British Empire, but as an uncouth Yank hearing the term being applied to a woman vigorously fingering herself feels quite fitting.

I also like how easily it rolls off the tongue in various applications. I feel like having good wank. I caught Mom wanking in the garage again. My son is a very dedicated wanker. Let’s wank together! I often find that no other word in American English is as facile as wank for this purpose. I do get a prurient thrill out of the word masturbate, but it is a bit of a mouthful along with being too clinical in many instances. Guys have a lot of good euphemisms (jerk off, jack off, beat off), but they don’t translate as readily to female self-pleasure.

I wish this slang term would be embraced by America, but it seems unlikely at this stage in the game. Maybe in time a new term will arise that ideally fits both sexes. Until then, I’m going to pull down my knickers and have myself a lovely wank!

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